Far Away

'I see the Moon and the Moon sees me,
the Moon sees somebody I want to see.
So Gods bless the Moon and Gods bless me,
and Gods bless the somebody I want to see.'


I read somewhere once that loving someone is like having your heart walking around outside your body. It is exciting and scary all at once. Especially if you put so much of your heart into someone and they go far away.  I think my issue is that I just love too much. Or maybe that a theme in my life seems to be that those I love move away. All over the world there are pieces of my heart walking around. Oh, I'm happy for them. Happy for them all but see... I never left. I feel like the light house, the last one left on shore to hold up the light just in case anyone decides to come back home. I think that's why I never left myself. I've been secretly terrified that when I did decide to go, they'd all come back. But so far no one has.
20 years.

I did the math the other day and realized I have been waiting for one of the people I love to come 'home' for almost twenty years now. I'll most likely reach the end of this life and still be waiting.
Maybe that's part of the reason I felt so pulled to Ryan. I got to be his one who came back.